And let me keep the shortest of accounts
With those whose betrayals hurt me the most.
Return to my butcher’s bill? The amount
Was paid! Instead, keep love and kindness close,
Trusting my heart that if a fateful day
Requires painful wisdom dearly bought
I’ll say with a free and easy heart, “May
I do the wise thing. May I not be caught
Up in bitter beliefs that warp my soul.”
I’ve glorious freedom knowing I’m done
With chasing debtors down. I’m in control.
Even if they’d paid, I’d not be whole. Run
To new life. That path is my own best friend.
When I refuse payment my suffering ends.
-Allegra Jordan, 2019
PS: This is easier written than done. But we can heal and train our minds to look forward. It takes intention. It does not take forever. It does not mean that the wound never occurred or was all right. It means you/I refuse to take any payment from the person who caused it as a matter of both self-preservation and step towards a better future.